please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
