I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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