dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
