U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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