im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
