im drinking this country out of the recession.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
