he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
