Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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