just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
