i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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