I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
