New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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