I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
