Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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