Define "chronic" masturbator.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
