Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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