I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
MIDGETS
????
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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