Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
