I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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