So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
