Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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