If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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