i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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