I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
