and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
