you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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