I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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