I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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