Pappa wants mamma naked
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
