Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
