I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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