i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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