Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
