First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
