The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
