My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you inspire me to be a worse person
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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