How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
