By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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