Having a random hookup so left but love u
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
