If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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