I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
