The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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