Ambien. No doubt about it.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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