i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
