So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
