I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
