...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
