so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
