So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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