Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
