if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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