It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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