what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
