dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
