Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Terrible idea I love it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
