Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
