I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
