Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
