i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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