My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
