I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
