Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
