arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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