I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
