make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
