Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
