I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
