he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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